you guys, typing those words is so surreal. my friend from college is missing and has been since March 30. and it finally hit me tonight – that he is missing and no one has any information at all that will help in finding him. I was talking to my mom on the phone and she mentioned how upset she was and that she could hardly imagine what I was feeling. in that moment I felt the tightness build in my chest and I could hardly respond to her. because I can hardly express what I am feeling right now – is it stress? or disbelief? or a mixture of anger and defeat? I don’t know because I don’t want to believe this has happened to him.
I feel like I am caught in some dream and that any minute now I’ll wake up and he will be safe and back. but I’m not waking up and I am terrified at what could have happened to him. being in Indianapolis is not easy knowing the pain his family and friends – my friends too – are experiencing in NJ. I feel so disconnected and so helpless. this feeling is so debilitating.
I thought about him over the weekend and caught myself thinking in past tense – he WAS a genuine person. and I had to stop myself and think no, he IS a genuine person. because the thought of him not ever being found is just too much.
knowing how much good he has done and how much happiness he has brought to not only my life but the lives of so many other people I know, I have to believe that he is somewhere. and that he will be home soon. I just have to believe it.